35 things I know.
cue music *been so long, you’ve been gone, so please show me, what is it that you want to see*
I know it’s been forever since I posted but I have good reason. Life. Next week, (Monday to be exact) I have some news that I’ll be sharing about what kept me away for so long. Just know that as the year closes I’m in a much better space and about to embark on a crazy adventure that really pulls together everything I’ve learned.
In the meantime I promised a 35 things I know post and here it is:
Only you are responsible for you. Also known as no one is going to save you.
The shit people notice isn’t the shit that they actually notice. (I’m still learning this one)
Find your tribe. The ones that make you feel like you’re home & exhale. Sometimes it’s your family but most times it isn’t.
Always upgrade. Even if it’s just an exit row. Something.
Doesn’t matter what it is, make a list, then cross it off one by one
Always ask for what you want. You’ll be more uncomfortable thinking what if and the moment is always goes faster than you think
Negotiate every job, every promotion, every review. It’s okay if you don’t get money. It can be access to something, working from home one day, making sure your paid hourly and not salary, it can be tuition reimbursement or the ability to take paid inspiration/culture days. The options are endless.
Be patient with the ones you love, remember they are still learning and growing (and so are you)
It is really okay if looking amazing, being stylish and having really dope nails is important to you. There are worst things to be vain about and we all have story.
The nail design is always worth it.
You don’t owe anyone any explanations about anything. Especially not your life.
Decorate your apartment as if you’ll live there the rest of your life. You’re always there longer than you think and you’ll never regret making a real home for yourself.
Yes. Growing up the way you did sucked. And you can cut people out of your life, and go to every single therapy session you need to, but it doesn’t matter if you don’t make the small changes you need to every day. Being kinder, being empathetic, being warm to those who make a home in you.
Always, always take care yourself first. Before your husband, before your family, before work. You are the most important person in your world.
Having a really good robe makes the worst day better
If you have to ask, break up with him
Doesn’t matter how big your family gets sometimes you need to grocery shop like you’re single
A skin care routine and drinking water will save your life
It’s true you should marry someone who loves you more, only a smidge more, but more
Be outrageously proud of yourself. Scream your accomplishments, cheer for you, buy yourself the gifts, pat yourself on the back.
Having your shit together, aka being organized & taking care of business is a form of self care. It’s the only form that really matters, tbh!
Wear the thotty clothes, sis. And the weaves, and the lipstick. Be the boldest, sexiest version of yourself.
Saving your money will save your life. Doesn’t matter if it’s 20/week. Put something away. Something only you know about and have access to.
Learning to cook is a great skill to have. Teach it to anyone who needs it. You’ll be surprised at how much it may help you to have those around you know how to make a meal.
People usually are who you think they are. Trust your instincts and act accordingly. Also, don’t take it personally.
Know when you need to stand up for yourself and know what’s your issue. There’s a difference.
The family you marry into is just as important as your spouse.
When it get’s to be to much log off, end the call, stop texting. Take a breath and a nap. Eat something.
Planning fun things for yourself really can get you through a shitty week. Everyone needs something to look forward to.
Always get a Christmas Tree. Always.
Always make the drive to the beach. No matter how far.
Say what you need. Out loud. Over and over again until you get it.
Buy the crazy shoes, the clothing items that are pieces.
If you focus and work hard, you can have that glorious life you dream of. So dream it, even when it feels wrong. Even when it feels ungrateful. Even when you should be focusing on your reality. Dream it.
You got to where you are through luck, hard work and sheer determination of will. Literally everything you have is because you wanted it. Remember 14yr old you. What would she think now? Work to make her proud.
Some things on the list are redundant but these are the things and lessons I’ve learned in the few years I’ve been here. It’s amazing the clarity that comes with age. I know I have so much left to learn & grow and the next 5 years are going to look dramatically different than the years before. Here’s to 35 more!